Be Confident, Stop Self-Sabotaging
Currently in my journey with God, He is teaching me all of the fruit of the Spirit of Self-Control. I did an amazing bible plan on the Bible App and what came out of that was the understanding that I have a pretty heavy fear of success and the way that this shows up is in the procrastination that prevents me for taking the necessary steps to bring all the amazing ideas God places on my heart to do. I am learning that self-sabotage has a root in the fear of becoming successful beyond measure. There is a quote that many of us know, or maybe don’t by Marianne Williamson that reads:
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, 'Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?' Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”
I find that I often play small, or better yet play invisible. I act as if God didn’t place an amazing idea that not only can glorify His name, but also could potentially bring more people to him. My fear of doing “it” wrong or that I won’t be able to keep up with the success of it prevents me from even beginning. I smell insecurity and even having a form of godliness and denying its power. I had to study this out of course and I read that God actually delights in us living our best lives being the best versions of ourselves. And, even more specifically for me, I had to come to an understanding that all of the opportunities that God has given me has led me up until this point where he would eventually nudge me to go explore unknown territory with it and His strength, but like some of the 12 men that Moses sent to explore the land of Canaan as per the Lord’s command, I sometimes feel like the task is too great and I am just a small grasshopper. Who am I to tackle this task? I look at myself as smaller than the girl that God sees me as.
31 But the men who had gone up with him said, “We can’t attack those people; they are stronger than we are.” 32 And they spread among the Israelites a bad report about the land they had explored. They said, “The land we explored devours those living in it. All the people we saw there are of great size. 33 We saw the Nephilim there (the descendants of Anak come from the Nephilim). We seemed like grasshoppers in our own eyes, and we looked the same to them.”
This is my experience, not with a land per-say, but with the ideas that God puts on my heart. I begin to think to myself, “nope” and then become doubtful of my ability to do what other’s can clearly see my tackling.
I have to remember, and maybe you too, that with God, who can be against us? How and what can I fear knowing that the idea came from HIM anyway! LOL. As I’m typing this I’m giggling because God is probably shaking his head. We don’t need to be afraid and want to defer something off to the next person because we feel inadequate. Fear distorts the perspective we have of ourselves and the road ahead.
A prayer
Dear Heavenly Father,
I pray that I can understand that I am a child of you. You are my father. An amazing, graceful, merciful, creative and amazing father. I pray that the self-sabotage tendencies that have been laying dormant in my spirit that are being awoken and brought to the light from your word are explored, broken down, and removed so that I may receive order from you and not feel insecure about following it. I pray that any idea you place on my heart, that I find the strength to follow through with and use your Kindgom to help in any way that it can. I pray that I understand that I don’t need to anything in my own strength, that I can rest in your embrace and allow you to guide me as you go first in everything I do. I pray that I become less of me and less of my fears and insecurities, so that I may become more of you. Thank you for entrusting me to do the things that you place on my heart to glorify your name, it is an honor to do your will, please allow my actions and thoughts to match.
Thank you so much and I pray this in your son’s precious name,
Amen